He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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