ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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