Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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