Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I have aggressive nipples.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
