The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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