Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
