we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
