she smelled like a LAN party
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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