Already got asked if we're dating
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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