At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
