I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
