I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We need a shit load of segways right now
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
