but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Someone came in the potted fern
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He? As in you personified your dick?
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