i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize