two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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