I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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