She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
