just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
