just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
