Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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