am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The Olympian is in my bed
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
