This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
