I didn't shave. On purpose
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
