drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
