We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
