o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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