Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
