I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
