I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
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This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
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Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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