I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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