why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I am never drinking with the goths again.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
