Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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