apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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