you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
