Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
