real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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