Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
