do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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