worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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