I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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