it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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