You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
