OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
