AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
