I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
