Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
