Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
