she woke up with a sticky ear
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
