I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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