you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
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