You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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