I just threw up on my dentist
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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