This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
