he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Dick very happy bro
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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