i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
we're so committed to being not committed
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
