Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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