Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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