We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
