Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
