ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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