he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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