Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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