I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
