Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
