The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
