Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
