Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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