Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
