Where are you?
In a non slutty way
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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