Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
