Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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