I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
